So good news, nobody ate me. Not that they didn’t try…no not the crew, but some crazy freakin’ bug aliens on this super wacky planet we landed on. Might be getting a little ahead of myself…
We landed with the pod. Not a pretty landing…obviously I wasn’t driving because that was craptastic and I would never let me fly again if I were me and I was flying me…myself… What I mean to say is that we landed hard and the thing was a total wreck.
We pop out of the thing and it’s sand as far as the eye can see. Just like those vids where the hero (that’d be me) crash lands on a desert planet and has to lead his crew to water and stuff. I totally did that! Except the water part, we already had that.
Anyway! We start hoofing it when I see vintage awesomeness fly overhead. You know those ships that were used in the war to dock with other ships? They’d send a raiding party in and the bad guys wouldn’t see it coming! Yeah, totally saw one of those and it was awesome. I want one so bad!
Figuring it was going somewhere cool, we walked for a super long time. I guess the air is no good, so Sponge and the Doc worked on some gas mask filter things. Sorta uncomfortable, but I look like a badass ninja so it’s all good. Walking walking forever until we get to this rocky area and suddenly WAM! This big mantis-looking thing pop up out of nowhere and is going after us hardcore. This thing was totally covered in armor like a beetle or something, so Doc and I worked on a trap to see if we could put it to sleep. Super great idea…it’ll look awesome on my captain resume.
Well the other guys were able to shoot it up before we got the chance to test the trap, but that’s all good because we didn’t get eaten. You know how I was saying earlier that the other guys kinda wigged me out? I was over that until they started digging around in the bug thing’s poop and cut it open to dig in there. What the hell guys? Is that a thing we’re supposed to do? I definitely don’t want to. Super gross!
They found some kinda access card, so I guess it wasn’t all bad…not that they knew it was in there, so still weirds-ville! We kept trucking along for a while until we found a huge junkyard full of ship parts everywhere. The most epic mech was working there, sorting parts out into ginormous piles. I tried to hack it, but it has some funky firewalls protecting the code so I couldn’t do much. That was LAME! But anyway, it’ll do what you tell it to do as long as you keep it simple, so now we’re headed toward wherever that ship was going RIDING A GIANT FREAKIN’ MECH! I hope someone took a vid-snap!