I love this job. Best job ever! Okay maybe it would be better if they made me Head Pilot, or is it Master Pilot? Whatever the name is….they’d let me fly the ship more often. But that’s okay, working full time would be a DRAG!
So anyway, lots of stuff going on. Here’s my top 3 awesome things that happened today!
1) Saw boobs. It turns out ship captains hang out at strip clubs all the time, and if you’re super smart (and have a membership card that you might have borrowed…), you can get in! Everyone thought I was Captain Goober or whatever his name was, and it was suh-weet!
2) Got D-R-U-N-K. Yup, uncle Pete always said that stuff would put hair on my chest, so look out ladies! It felt like swimming in a cloud, or like being asleep and awake at the same time. Totally epic. I want to do it again!
3) Drove a car. A car! We were in an honest-to-goodness get-away chase with people shooting at us and everything. So cool! You shoulda seen me darting around curves, telling the badguys to eat my dust. And guess what! We got away scott free, made a whole pile of cash, and I didn’t even get one scratch on it. I CAN FLY ANYTHING! I CAN DRIVE ANYTHING! Maybe I should become a racecar driver…they get a ton of girls, and beer!
So pretty sweet day, if I do say so myself. Let’s see, we landed on Apalav (funny name!), accidentally stole some body parts (gross and cool at the same time), outran some pissed off black market dudes, and found Captain Goober’s wallet (dude needs a chain for that thing!), and visited his ship. He invited us to dinner at a strip club like a creeper, but we did that and he didn’t even show up. Some other dude found us and called me “kid”, so I already don’t like him. We got some cargo for a run, which seems sort of dangerous because they’re heavy weapons (allegedly!) and only super dangerous freakos use those, but Caine says the money is good so I’m good with that. Anyway, we finally took off when we found a stowaway. The Captain says he’s legit, so now we’re smuggling him too.
So in summary, BOOBS!