Explorations of the Cosmic Frontier

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 10

Pilot, thief, captain, businessman, action hero, and now lumberjack! That’s right, we ended up going to Qarblus and met up with a broker named Marius. He told us EVERYTHING about the ferro wood trade. Where to go, who to talk to, where to get explosives (yes please!), and what equipment we’d need. Pretty nice planet so far. Something’s going to go wrong for sure.

Marius sent us over to Itsni, a church maintained by the Baratsa family. Supposedly the Baratsa would get us hooked up in rolling in wood. Along the way, we stopped at a shop to look at ferro wood figurines. She was all bent out of shape about the Baratsas, and told us to talk to the Berinis instead. Supposedly they’re more trustworthy, though her nephew is the dude in charge so she’s a bit biased.

I saw a pretty sweet figurine of an old school rocket on one of her shelves. I don’t know why, but I just sorta needed to have it. I didn’t have any credits so I tried to take it. Why did I do that? I don’t do stuff like that! I guess I’ve never really been poor before, and sometimes all the crazy stuff that we do makes it hard to figure out what’s right and wrong.

Anyway, we got to Itsni and headed for the church. There’s some pretty wacky religion on this planet, and the priest was seriously nutso. I think he might have been taking Red or something because he was seriously flying high. He told us about harvesting the ferro wood (old news!) and about some drama between the Baratsa and Berini families. One of them has a daughter, the other one has a son, they’re boinking and everyone is having a hissie fit. I’ve seen that story in the vids lots of times.

It’s a pretty low tech planet, so I was surprised that priest dude had a pretty rad tablet computer. Weird, but whatever. He gave us equipment and directions, so it was time to cash in on some ferro wood! While we were blowing up trees out in the woods, these monkey things came out to see us. Really friendly little dudes. They even warned us when the giant lizard-tiger attacked us. Caine was an uber badass and sliced it up like a pro!

We filled up our cart with wood really fast and decided to head back into town. Some of the monkey things followed us, but they’re harmless so we didn’t care. Big mistake! Turns out these monkeys, Enolas apparently, are like part of the dumb religion around here. We weren’t supposed to feed them or talk to them or anything. Being friends with Enolas is a big sin or something.

They escorted us to the church to wait the big mega priest to come lecture us. I told that dude exactly what I thought of his crazy-pants religion, but it didn’t help. They insisted that one of us had to stay. Screw that, I took my Enola buddy and bolted for the door. Too slow! Caine agreed to stay so that Spong and I could go and leave the planet. Fat chance! We’re getting the Fair Maiden and busting him out of there!

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 9

It took a little computer-fu, but we got off planet with Grr-dude. Retinal scanners are so easy to fake, especially when you keep your approved scans on a server with only level 14 security locks. I could bypass that in my sleep. I might have been sleeping actually…

Yeah, so Grr-man told us all about his pack and it sounds like a lot of sad crazy crap has happened to him pretty recently. He was park of the Blood Fiends, and everything was cool until a band of pirates, the Kforzain, started taking everything they could find. It’s the same group of jerkoffs that attacked us in the Tequila Sally. Turns out they use these broaches to communicate, and being a super slick dude like yours truly, Grrvoidson took one of their broaches and ran off. Take that, pirate dicks! Cool move, except he’s not actually sure how they work. There’s some kind of compartment that’s empty, and I can’t tell if maybe some kind of power source goes in there or what. I’m sure we’ll figure it out.

We jumped over to Carinia to sell the rest of our cargo, and to pick up more. No dice! Our broker was fresh out of ideas. Luckily brokers are like half-a-credit-a-dozen, so we hooked up with a rival named Ulrich and got some work. He wanted us to deliver some mining equipment to Hoblaro in exchange for a pretty awesome demountable fuel cell for the ship. We’ll be able to jump halfway across the galaxy with that thing, so hell yeah we were in!

The delivery went smoothly, and he even paid us a couple thousand more credits to bring the cargo right to his miners. I guess the ship that was supposed to make that delivery was MIA. On our way back, we spotted it. It was all shot up like someone attacked it! Doctor Saris and Sponge decided to check it out while I hung back to supervise. They found one survivor, but he died pretty fast after they found him. He told them “Wobluten”, which was the name of the ship that captain doofus flew. You know, they one on Aplev who lost his wallet with the naked lady club card in it? Yeah, that guy. That bigshot jerk at the club really wanted information on this guy, so we’re debating what do next.

Meanwhile, we need credits like super bad. After upgrading the ship a little bit ago and paying the monthly installment, we’re super poor! Sounds like there’s a job on Arturis that could be a lot of creds, or we can run over to Qarblus and see what it takes to harvest that super expensive ferro wood stuff. I hear you have to use bombs to get the wood. So awesome!

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 8

Ohmanohmanohmanohman! We heisted. We did a heist? We stole some stuff! Okay okay, recap time. So Vargyr guy that we saved in the alley is a dude named Grrvoidson. Remember that broach thing I mentioned? Turns out it’s some sort of communicator thing that talk to pirates! And it’s made of this super expensive material called ferro wood too. And! Tuscara put out a notice on the broach as well. Everyone wants this thing, and it’s worth super credits! Grrvoidson knew where it was too. The museum. Of course.

So Saris, Grr-guy, and I planned an awesome heist! It was like one of those Oceans 111 vids with hologram George Clooney. Best holoactor ever. People say I look like a young Clooney (the real one, not the hologram). Anyway! We waited until it got dark, we hacked the museum systems to cause a distraction, we snuck around with the guards ever noticing, and slipped out of there with one awesome ferro wood pirate-talking broach. Woo! Uh, okay, maybe not every bit of that went super smooth, but the important thing is we got the broach. We win, we’re awesome. Now we need to get the hell off this dumb planet! We’re taking Grr-guy with us so he can help us figure out the broach thing.

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 7

The fish thing delivery went super smooth. Note to you, my faithful reader, that thing wasn’t related to Sponge. He didn’t really appreciate me asking, but I really didn’t mean anything by it. They look sorta the same and smell pretty—nevermind!

So we did make it to Gaved and it was pretty crazy. We had to bribe officials at the starport to even get passed their security. I guess I have seen my dad do that with “business associates” so I shouldn’t have been so surprised. I think once my legend has time to spread around the planets, this won’t happen again. We met up with the Tuscara people and it was a big snooze. Luckily Caine is a master when it comes to boring stuff, so he took care of all the meetings and working out a new contract. I’m not super clear on what’s going on with it, but I think we’re basically free agents but every once in a while, Tuscara will ask us to do something lame. I guess that’s okay as long as we keep flying!

While all that boring talk was happening, Doctor Saris and I hit the town. He’s more fun than he looks. I think it’s funny that he doesn’t think people notice him taking Red all the time, but with all these people shooting at us, chasing us in cars, and crazy alien murder bugs, I’m sure happy to have a doctor around!

And he’s pretty handy in a fight too, because we heard some yelling in a nearby alley and, being the heroic types that we are, went to investigate. It was a Vargyr (never seen one before) fighting with a couple beefed up looking dudes. They were yelling about some broach and being dicks, so Saris and I kicked their asses! They never stood a chance! Too bad we were saving a weird dog dude and not a super hot chick, but a win’s a win.

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 6

It’s been a while since I wrote anything in here. WAY too busy being a space hero badass. You know how it goes. Well maybe you don’t…it’s pretty cool, though a little freaky sometimes. But yeah, gotta keep this up to make sure those future history vids don’t miss the good stuff.

So after getting off the wacky bug planet (finally!). We had some creds and a whole buncha crap to sell. Which we did, and it was boring. But after that, we upgraded the snot out of our new ship. Lasers, sensors, auto-pilot…holy crap! There were a few things we couldn’t afford, but The Fair Maiden is DEFINITELY going to bring the chicks now. No doubt about it!

Speaking of chicks…Laila. Ohmigod, she’s like a 10, maybe a 12? She’s like all the points. Pretty sure she likes me too, especially after I brought Digger back. Turns out he’s hers. Just like Uncle Pete says, all chicks do is take take take. But she’s worth it. She’d probably be an awesome girlfriend, but it’s a big universe and Captain Eliot’s legend is just starting. No time to settle! I miss her…

Uh, so what else. Oh yeah, we found a bunch of survivors from the Tequila Sally! It was cool to find out that we weren’t the only ones who got off the ship, and our new ship needed some crew, so why not? I promise I won’t crash the ship again.

Now that we have a ship with the coolest AI ever, we’re taking on some work. Nothing too crazy, just a quick run to Apalav. It went nutso again (surprise!). I’m just going to write this down here so I don’t forget: Captain Eliot, if you go to Apalav, there will be jerks chasing you in a car.

As usual, I was awesome…and badass…but mostly awesome! If I didn’t like space so much, if be an epic racecar driver. Do people still race cars? Looks so cool in the vids! Anyway, we delivered the ore and were able to find another, shady-tastic job. Fish delivery to Grilhosan. Sounds pretty easy! We’re probably going to get shot at again.

Before that though, we have to run up to Gaved to check in with Tuscara. So glad Caine’s around to handle this stuff. Snore!

PROJECT FEAR (Forced Evolutionary Acceleration Relic)
"Say Hello to My Little Friend"

It was a questionable decision, but there was no easy or obvious way to dissuade the others, and there were some potential upsides to blowing the cover to the secret PDC base, so we went.

Eliot flew us in our latest acquisition. While it positively oozes machismo, and is cooler to use instead of a generic TOAD transport, the smell of wet fur and wolf urine was going to take a long time to adjust to (evidently, those scents are absolutely soaked into the interior at this point).

The flight was quick and uneventful, the passengers, representatives of the outpost we had liberated, were pleasant and thankful. We soon located the PDC base, helpfully marked by our stolen SHERPA from the Tequila Sally. As a possible reserve force for our little expedition, we brought along ‘Digger’ (Eliot’s latest toy), who had been upgraded with some sort of heavy duty shovel/mining laser? Don’t ask, the explanation would take way longer than it’s worth.
The base was surprisingly dark and defenseless. It didn’t take too long to find out why. Giant insectoids had the run of the place, and were mostly clustered around the presence of a strange, pyramidal relic.
Sponge did a great job sneaking over to a set of controls, but was spotted on hir way back. As everyone was making a run for it topside, I stayed back to cover Sponge and try to discourage the pursuit. The military grade weaponry the raiders had left us did the trick quite well. It was like using a hot knife to cut butter, but at range. Carving up the largest and most aggressive Chiggers did the trick, and the smaller ones mostly milled around aimlessly.
The next thing I consciously remember was noticing Sponge hit the ground in front of me, having finished making hir way to the exit. Right. Some sort of invisible pulse had emanated from the artifact after power was put back. No apparent effect, not even dizziness, just a sort of tingling, like the hair on my arms were standing. It wore off soon, everyone seemed fine, other than one of the passengers who had passed out on the way to the exit. Hopefully that pulse didn’t scramble their brain too badly.

Everyone was very excited after we got out of the base. The representatives of the outpost were excited about the chance to acquire the artifact and the chiggers. But I knew right then they were bad news. Paradigm and the other megacorps play for keeps, and we’d be fools to let our names get out there. Slipping under the radar is tough enough for one, and impossible for more…

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 5

I think I’m a little better. The ringing in my ears went away last night. I’ve had a headache since the fight, but it’s probably nothing. My Uncle always told me to stay focused, to keep my eye on the ball. I don’t know what ball he was talking about, but I think I get it. I’m going to do that. I need to fly really bad. Flying will help.

After the fight, we met with people from the town. They’re treating us like heroes, which is really cool…I don’t feel like a hero, but it helps to know that we helped people. Focus Eliot!

Our new ship is rad! Yeah, it’s a total mess. These pirate dude’s were total pigs and they don’t know anything about keeping a ship together. Half the systems are busted! Who does that? The stuff that does work is super cool. Tractor beams?! Hell yeah! Oh the best part is Beast. The ship has an AI that sounds a little like Grampa Rosen after he “quit smoking” for the billionth time. But yeah, I can’t wait to dig into the systems and see what else they put in there. Also it’ll say boobies any time you want, which is really awesomely funny.

Oh yeah! We found the jerkface that stole our shuttle before. We not exactly him, but the shuttle. We grabbed it back with super hyper tractor beam power! That dude is going to finish pooping in the woods or whatever he was doing, and come back to a missing ship. Yoink!

We’re getting paid a bunch of money to help these two science-y guys look at the caves where those crazy bug things live. I didn’t want to deal with that again, but I guess we need money to get out of here so we went. Turns out there’s a whole bunch of labs and stuff down there, and a crap-ton of bug things. They were studying a weird pyramid thing that was giving people headaches. But now that we got the bugs out of there (sort of), I can’t wait to find out what it is!

So maybe this place isn’t as boring as I thought. Cool news too. We found a matter cutter for Digger. He’s a total badass now. Perfect sidekick for Captain Eliot!

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 4

I’m…um. I don’t know if I want to do this anymore. I’ve seen a lot of stuff since I left home. Yeah, lots of scary weird freaky crap, but…

I had to shoot a guy today. And I think I killed him. And I don’t like it. I wish I didn’t do it. I wish I never left home and never ended up here and never crashed the ship and never…I’m just a kid! I’m…just a kid.

I did it on purpose too. My friends were in trouble, he was super bad and trying to kill everyone. He was like the leader of a gang or something, and I didn’t have a choice! Did I have a choice? I don’t know. I was scared and angry. So I did it. Now I’m even worse.

So yeah, that’s all I have to say right now. I’m going to try to get something to eat and maybe just sleep for a little while. I didn’t have a choice.

Uh, Nice Hat Bro – Chapter 3 (Sarris)

Crash-landed on N’Ganti III.


No injuries to report.

Group consensus was to abandon escape pod that is now likely a target. I suggested the most logical direction to travel in to reach any habitable area. I assisted sponge in fabricating some crude respirators to combat the radiation dust.

We encountered an indigenous bug-like carnivore, and after some close calls, disposed of it. I suggested re-implementing its exoskeleton as armor, perhaps a helmet at the very least – no takers. I did manage to harvest some venom.

I’m delaying my <edited> doses as far apart as I can stand and it is hard to concentrate.

We came upon a junk reclamation area with an autonomous worker bot that now follows simple commands and lead us to a repair center. Sponge thinks he can get one of these old toads flightworthy.

I’ve only got about 6 days left of <edited> if I push it; time to scrounge about and see about synthesizing some more.

Adventures of Space Captain Eliot - Chapter 3

I’m alive!

So good news, nobody ate me. Not that they didn’t try…no not the crew, but some crazy freakin’ bug aliens on this super wacky planet we landed on. Might be getting a little ahead of myself…


We landed with the pod. Not a pretty landing…obviously I wasn’t driving because that was craptastic and I would never let me fly again if I were me and I was flying me…myself… What I mean to say is that we landed hard and the thing was a total wreck.

We pop out of the thing and it’s sand as far as the eye can see. Just like those vids where the hero (that’d be me) crash lands on a desert planet and has to lead his crew to water and stuff. I totally did that! Except the water part, we already had that.

Anyway! We start hoofing it when I see vintage awesomeness fly overhead. You know those ships that were used in the war to dock with other ships? They’d send a raiding party in and the bad guys wouldn’t see it coming! Yeah, totally saw one of those and it was awesome. I want one so bad!

Figuring it was going somewhere cool, we walked for a super long time. I guess the air is no good, so Sponge and the Doc worked on some gas mask filter things. Sorta uncomfortable, but I look like a badass ninja so it’s all good. Walking walking forever until we get to this rocky area and suddenly WAM! This big mantis-looking thing pop up out of nowhere and is going after us hardcore. This thing was totally covered in armor like a beetle or something, so Doc and I worked on a trap to see if we could put it to sleep. Super great idea…it’ll look awesome on my captain resume.

Well the other guys were able to shoot it up before we got the chance to test the trap, but that’s all good because we didn’t get eaten. You know how I was saying earlier that the other guys kinda wigged me out? I was over that until they started digging around in the bug thing’s poop and cut it open to dig in there. What the hell guys? Is that a thing we’re supposed to do? I definitely don’t want to. Super gross!

They found some kinda access card, so I guess it wasn’t all bad…not that they knew it was in there, so still weirds-ville! We kept trucking along for a while until we found a huge junkyard full of ship parts everywhere. The most epic mech was working there, sorting parts out into ginormous piles. I tried to hack it, but it has some funky firewalls protecting the code so I couldn’t do much. That was LAME! But anyway, it’ll do what you tell it to do as long as you keep it simple, so now we’re headed toward wherever that ship was going RIDING A GIANT FREAKIN’ MECH! I hope someone took a vid-snap!


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